I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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