Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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