They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
