i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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