it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
