hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
