So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
