dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
