apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
