why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
