I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
