I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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