WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
