i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
