I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I currently don't understand fingers.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
