We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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