He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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