Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
vagina is talking i cant
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
