i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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