I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
