i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
