this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
