she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
