To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
