I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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