dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
