I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I can't turn off my feet"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
