dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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