Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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