i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Blood and glitter go together right?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
