May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
