You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Screwed.edu
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
