I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
