I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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