erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
