am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
