everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
