S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
