So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
