If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
