I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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