Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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