When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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