my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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