My hand turned me down
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
