All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
