How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
