the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
