Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
