So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
