I hate your face
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
