she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
